U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
