Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
