Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
