stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
