evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
