Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
