Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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