its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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