If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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