I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
