did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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