I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
