One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
