im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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