so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You have to summon your inner elephant
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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