is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
