i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
