when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
