I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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