So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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