How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
