the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
