She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
