Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
