Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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