oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
