I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
