last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We have started to decorate penises.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Randomize
