my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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