I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
