Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
