She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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