I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
