I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Are we still banned from the library?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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