It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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