I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
