I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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