Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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