Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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