My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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