dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
