what day is it and did you see me today?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
