I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
