ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He passed out mid-signature
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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