The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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