I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
not ubering you a puppy
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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