Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
