Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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