so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
