so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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