someone get that fucking seahorse.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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