apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
