I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
When did angry sex become our thing?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
