she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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