I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You know, be my cock's hype man.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
