if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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