you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
im on a boat
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