I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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