Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
BRING THE BAGELS
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
