That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
