Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
